End of Semester

as the semester is winding down things seem to bee winding up. each load of homework seems to be doubleing by the second. in each class i find myself doing hours on homework and only homework. eveything is all coming together and really matters and i realized that i need to step up and start going. one night i had a dream that i had a huge project due the next day and forgot all about it. i was scrambling during the whole dream trying to create this project from scratch. i needed to make a suclture which was worth all my grade and as i was making it it kept falling apart and breaking which made me frusterated but i continured to work as everything that i kept doing would fall off or break. i did not want to quit because i needed to do that homework in order to pass but then i finally gave up thinking that it was to hard and i failed. but then for some reason i began to work againand got the perservernce to contiue working and finish. and i finished it and i woke up

Thanksgiving

over the past week i have been at home which was a change after living here for a couple months. being back at home made me realize that i do really enjoy humboldt more then i do back at home. i like the people back at home and some of the old activities that i did but here it is so much more beautiful and i love being so close to the woods. back at home i am always surrounded by buliding houses or some sort of structue. there is no place that i can truley be in nature and relax. there are so many people ther and it is always so congested. i would love to live in a place where i could just be surrounded by nature right by the beach with not very many people so i willl not be bothered. i really want to travel the world and see all the world wonders  that i have never  seen. i think that im going to go to new zealand and and maybe one day i could even live in a polace that pretty. humboldt has opened up my eyes showing me that this isnt the only place out there there is so much more out there in the world and i need to live my life filled with experieces not with other insignificant things that wont really matter in a few years. people have a lot of their veiws twisted and disotrted but i think that ive finally figured out what i proioities are

rain, rain, rain

Being from Long beach i am not particularly use to all the rain up here in humboldt county . it rains alot here and im still adapting to all the mositure. but because of the rain is why this place is so beautiful and why i love going into the forest and seeing all the wonderful plants and life that this rain water brings. one night i was dreaming that i was in the forest with my freinds taking a night hike and then it started pouring and for some werid reason i was inly in a bathing suit and i was really cold but then the rain stopped. and it was all sunny and we contiued on our journey only to find out that i was going to rain even harder so we started to make a shelter out of sticks and logs and anythiing that we could find that would help and shelter us form the wind. as we collected the sticks the clouds blew in thickly with a greyish black tint to them, we knew that the storm was near and scrambled to finsih our shelter. when we did we all huddled inside and hoped it wouldnt break. then it started to rain, then harder then so hard that our shleter broke exposing us to the storm. then we began to run back to our rooms and i woke up. i hope that this dream never comes ture becuase that would not be fun at all pplus it would be very cold.

Homecoming

Thanksgiving break is right around the corner, the semester is winding down and finals are so close i can barley taste it. And as all this new stress floats around in my head I constantly go back to the thought of my thanksgiving break. i am extremely excited to go home and see my family and all things familiar. the other night i had a dream that i was going home, as i opened the car door my dog marley sprang out licking me uncontrollably from head to toe. then the scene immediately cahnged and i was back at my house. but i was not back in the house that i live in today. i was in the first house that i ever lived in. i had my same old room as i did when i was a child, the lay out was the same, it was all so familiar like no one had touched anything. as i walked around my "house" i had this strange feeling. i knew that this home technically was not mine and belonged to someone else now. when i started walking towards the front door the knob began to twist and i froze. i had no clue what to do other than to hide behind the closest thing to me which happened  to be a sofa. a very odd looking man whom looked about seven feet tall walked through the door, i felt his presence, he felt mine. he knew that something was off so i ran out from under the sofa. i sprinted to the door but then i felt a strong tug on my sweatshirt and found myself in the hands of this scary giant. i fought him then punched hin a few times until i woke up. maybe this dream is trying to show  me that home is where the people are not objects or materials.

long night

last night i had problems trying to fall asleep. i would toss and turn and i laid restless in bed for hours. i hate not being able to fall asleep and i was beginning to get frusterated. finally i when i was able to fall asleep i fell into this werid distorted dream. i was with one of my friends in a random house up on a hill. me and my friend were haning out together in this wierd house where all the walls were painted off green. they rooms were oddly shaped and was almost uncomforatable. both me and him were on the sofa laying down talking when all of a sudden the rooms began to change into different shapes just like in that harry potter movie. we were moving with the rooms when we all of a sudden the room had split right down the middle seperating me and my friend. we were trying to get closer to each other and stay in the same room but every time the room shifted when we got closer to each other. finally the rooms took one final spin and we were both in two seperate areas, unaware of how to reunite. i looked around and all i saw was the pealing green paint on the walls. then i woke up. i think that this dream was telling me that there is someone out there that i shouldnt have let go. i missed the chance to be with them and now my unviverse is trying to keep us seprated.

halloween

for the past week i have been extremely excited about halloween because its my favorite holiday. me and my friends have been getting prepared and started making our costumes which is making me even more excited. so the other night i had a dream that it was halloween night and me and some friends were over at a place that was supose to be the plaza but didnt really look anything like it. we were all dressed up in out costumes but at one point my friend tried to take off his mask and he couldnt. we had all become what we were dressed up as. i was an indian and i couldnt escape my costume. we were all freaked out because we were no longer oursleves but we were these weird versions of someone else. we continued with our night trying to figure out how to get rid of our costumes. but soon we all started to enjoy being someone else and were actually starting to act and fully become our costumes being lost in halloween. then the sun started to come up and we were hoping that when the next day came we would all be back to normal but we werent. we all began to freak out agian and then i woke up. im still really excited for halloween i just hope that this dream is not illuding to a weird mystical night. i just want to have fun!

Suffocation

one night i woke up questioning my dream wondering if it had anything to do with my life. I had a dream where i had just meat this guy at a party. we were talking the whole night and had a great time but towards the end of the dream everything started to turn dark and i started to fell strangled and suffocated. i couldnt really breathe and the room no longer was a room but i was locked inside of a deep hole and i couldnt get out. this guy had trapped me inside and i was attempting to climb out pulling on the roots hoping that it would support my weight. the roots snapped and i started falling until i woke up. this dream has alot of meaning to me because i have just met a new guy that i am some what interested in but i feel like everything is moving so fast and that im starting to drown in something that i dont even want, or am even ready for. i didnt come to college to find a boyfriend im here to learn and discover myself and i feel as though he is holding me back from my personal growth. i really do like him but i feel like timing is everything and maybe this isnt the right time. so maybe my subconscious is trying to tell me to follow your gut even if its not logical, and ask yourself, what do you really want? and is he included?

Dream Dog

The other night I wake up thinking that I just got a new puppy. A few minutes later I realize that it was only dream which was somewhat devastating. During the dream I was just going through my day when someone walked up to me saying that they were unable to keep this puppy and handed it off to me. I was so happy to have gotten this dog. It was the cutest little black lab puppy that I have ever seen. I took this dog with me everywhere and loved it so much. The only issue was that I still lived in the dorms which did not provide enough space for this active puppy. In my dream I tried several ways to make this situation work. I had tried to bring in patches of grass for the puppy to use as a bathroom, i bought toys and made the whole room puppy proof. But as the dream went on the idea of having a puppy living in the dorm was not ideal, especially for the puppy. There just was not enough room for him to play and live like a normal dog. I then walked out of my room with the puppy in hand and repeated the same thing that had happened earlier. I found someone and told them that I could not care for the puppy while living in the dorms and hesitantly gave away the precious little dog. For the next couple days after I had that dream I continued to see puppies everywhere I went. Each time I saw a puppy it reminded me of the dog in my dreams, and made me want one so bad but then I remembered how unrealistic it was to raise a dog in a single room. I guess that dream was just forcing  me to see that I already have enough on my plate and that adding a puppy is not a good idea.

The Winnings

Over the weekend I was surrounded by new experiences, new people and new surrounding. I took a bus up to Crescent City to visit a friend and go to a surf competition. While i was up there, I had a strange epiphany. I realized that I now consider Acrcata as my home. I have really become accustom  to my life here and missing home less and less each day. One night, I had a dream that possibly alludes to my future? A friend and I were down in the plaza and for some reason we were both ecstatic. We were so happy and excited but at first I had no clue to why we were feeling this way. Then my friend showed me a lottery ticket that we had bought and on it  in huge letters was WIN. We had both won the lottery and had decided to buy a house right here in Arcata and set our roots down. Although not much happened in this dream, it is quite symbolic to me. I feel like this dream shows that I could possibly want to live here for sometime, or that I want to move out of the dorms. Either way, I fell a little discontent with where I am currently living, but at the same time I really enjoy this town. It is a definite change from Long Beach and Im really enjoying the difference.

Nights Influences

Each night I typically fall asleep listening to music, unaware that they are most likely influencing my dreams. The other night i was listening to The Beatles as I was falling asleep.  Once i slipped into unconsciousness I found myself in a foreign place surrounded by a bunch of people that all had similar features. All the woman were wearing dull red dresses with their hair pulled back in a tight bun where all the men were fuzzy and all i could really make out was their eye color. Each male had intense crystal clear blue eyes. For some reason the detail of all the men's eyes was the most dominant thing in my dream. As i looked deep into a mans eyes i was suddenly moved from being apart of the crowd to being above the crowd on a stage. The army of the redundant looking people all stared at me as if they were waiting for me to do something. but as I look around me there is nothing on the stage but me. I felt very confused because i did not know what everyone wanted of me. Then i looked around again and there was a single microphone right in front of me. I take to mic in my hand and begin to sing a song that i have never heard before. the crowd still stares at me like their im not pleasing them and like they want something more of me. I start to sing louder but then everything goes blank around me and my surroundings change. No longer am I on a stage but back in my room alone with the mic still in my hand. As I woke up I remembered that i feel asleep listening to music which most likely influenced my dream of being a performer. Its strange to me that by falling asleep to something you are able to transfer it into your dreams and turn it into something with your imagination.

dreams give hope

Over the weekend I had experienced a spontaneous adventure that I was not expecting to occur. Over the past couple of days a friend and I decided to hitch hike our way down to Laytonville in order to reach a music festival. Neither of us were prepared enough for the journey ahead of us, but fortunately everything fell into place. One night we happened to get stuck in a town called Fortuna because we were unable to hitch a ride that night. As we were lying in the tent I slow drifted to sleep and fell into a very hopeful yet bizarre dream. In the dream, my friend and I were out on a dry lake bed at the festival that we were trying to get to. There were large statues with many varieties of dull colors creating this glow around them. There were many people there, yet they all looked oddly similar. Everyone around was male and i happened to be the only female at the whole festival. We decided to explore the whole festival and as we were walking we finally realized that it was endless. Some how we were walking in circles tracing back the paths we have previously taken. We kept seeing the same statue with all the dull colors. Then everything feel very quite, and a faint voice began to sing. We both some how appeared next to the stage listening to the musicians play their song. we both became entranced with the music and could not break our concentration. Then the music came to a sudden stop and I woke up. I had forgotten that i was camped out and was a bit disoriented for a second. Although the dream was nothing like the carnival the fact that we had reached it in my dream gave me very high hopes and the extra push to keep going forward.

Anxiousness Lingers

As I am finally getting accustomed to my new life at Humboldt State my dreams make me feel that I am in fact anything but that. For the past few nights I had experienced reoccurring dreams. Although each night differed, there were many similarities that make me wonder if I am truly at ease here. In the first dream I find myself walking alone at night down in the plaza of Arcata. As I walk along the square the sun begins to diminish and storm like clouds roll in. I then begin to run up this never ending hill that eventually leads to a large cliff over looking the University.  I turn behind me and see the death clouds approaching quickly. For a second I see a large building out in the distance which then relocates me into a large empty city. Then it ended. When I woke up I had this constant feeling of uneasiness, like there was something that I needed to do. The next night a had a similar dream but with less detail. And instead of changing scenes to a empty city I was stuck on top of the cliff with no where to go. I feel that my subconscious is trying to tell me that I am not quite comfortable in my new environment. Maybe I am still trying to find a little piece of home in Arcata. After each dream I had this intense feeling of uneasiness, as if there was something extremely important that I needed to achieve. Maybe this is foreshadowing something in my future that I must over come and accomplish. I feel that dreams are an insightful way to look inside yourself and discover small details that you may have perviously over looked.

Sunday, 8/29/10

Last Sunday I experienced a dream like no other. It all felt so real, with emotions so vivid, which was the dream, and what was the truth. My dream began at my house, which looked nothing like my actual home, yet I still recognized it as my own. My parents were out of town for the weekend so I decided to invite some friends over. As the day turned to night we decided to buy some alcohol and have a small party. Just as the fun begins I hear my phone ring. When I answered I heard my mothers voice like I have never heard before. There was no emotion behind her words, i detected no smile in her voice. She softly mumbled, "Your father is dead." As that last word, "DEAD," entered my head it triggered emotions that I have never experienced. Immediately the whole scene around me had changed and I find myself on hill peering over a rock watching my father's funeral from afar. I see all the people that loved him surrounding his grave each holding a single lavender flower. I try to move my body to get closer to what will be the last time I would see my dad. But my body would not move, not even an inch. It felt as if I was bolted into the ground and forced to watch the most tragic event of my life all alone. As I continued to struggle I hear a faint voice speaking about my father's death. My dad has always been the type of person who does not believe in medical treatment and believes a positive spirt works just as well as medicine. As the voice continued I heard him speak about how my father had a very serious illness but failed to tell anyone thinking that his positive ora would cure him. The voice begins to fade, then all color begins to fade. The grave yard turns dull. I wake up to a very damp face. ApparentlyIi had been crying all throughout the dream. I quickly reached for the phone and called my dad in order to confirm that my dream was in fact just a dream.